Considering a custody battle? Ask yourself – and your spouse or partner – the following:

Larry Sarezky* is a Connecticut divorce attorney who has put together the following ten questions for his clients.

In my own divorce, my greatest fear was “What will our child go through if we [the parents] fight it out in court?”  Sarezky’s questions articulate many of the potential consequences, and they are serious ones.

If you are a separating or divorcing parent, they are well worth reading and thinking about.

If you are a friend or family member of such a parent, you may want to pass these questions along.

If you are a divorce attorney, you may decide to discuss them with your clients.

  1. Do you want your children to endure months of anxiety and uncertainty as to where they will be living and whether they will have the relationship they want with each of their parents and their siblings?
  2. Do you want your children subjected to interviews by attorneys, mental health professionals and court personnel during which they will be afraid and conflicted, and will feel pressured to be loyal to both their parents?
  3. Do you want your children subjected to the possibility of inquiry by these professionals about the most personal aspects of their lives including their fears and frailties?
  4. Clinical studies have shown that high conflict between parents exposes children to serious psychological harm. Do you want to risk your children developing emotional disorders as a result of your high-conflict custody battle?
  5. Do you want your inability to resolve your differences to serve as a model of parenting for your children?
  6. Do you want intimate details of your life to become a matter of public record?
  7. Do you want a stranger deciding how much you will see your children, and how you will make decisions concerning them?
  8. Do you want a substantial portion of your assets used for fees of attorneys and expert witnesses with no guarantee that you will be happy with the result?
  9. Do you want to give up attention to detail that a negotiated agreement will have but that a judge’s decision will not?
  10. Do you want to engage in costly, time-consuming and rancorous litigation that can make future cooperation between you and your co-parent extremely difficult at best, and the resumption of amicable joint parenting nearly impossible.

* Larry Sarezky is a former Chair of the Connecticut Bar Association’s Family Law Section and an award-winning screenwriter and child advocacy filmmaker.  His articles on divorce have appeared widely. You can learn more about his efforts at:  https://www.facebook.com/ChildCustodyFilm/

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All blog posts are for information purposes, and should not be considered as legal advice.

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