Children of Divorce Love Differently

Reading and writing a lot about divorce has an unintended – but obvious and almost unavoidable consequence for me; I think a lot about divorce.  Sometimes more than I would like to.

Today, my own divorce comes to mind, though many years past.  I’m aware, in some painful way, of the waste that came with it, as I finally shred and throw out papers that I haven’t looked at in over a decade.

I remember an article I wrote, Easing the children’s transition from living in one home to two homes, which is especially meaningful for me because in it I shared some of what I did to minimize the hurt to my own child.

I look at two articles with almost identical titles:  14 Ways Children of Divorce Love Differently, and 16 Ways Children of Divorce Love Differently.  One was shared over 157,000 times, the other over 300,000.  I’m glad that there are so many readers for these, because the subject is important.  Hugely important.

Maybe it is just my mood, but I find that I can’t read these articles word for word.  Rather, I scan the bold type, thinking, “I don’t know if my daughter feels that,” or “Well, don’t a lot of people feel that way, whether their parents stayed married or not?”

I know that in some ways, the divorce has made my daughter stronger.  But, in the mood I’m in, this knowledge isn’t terribly consoling as I wonder – as perhaps many of you do as well about your children – how the divorce has affected this wondrous young woman, and will affect her, in ways that I may never fully understand or even realize, though I tried so hard to make the changes easier.

One thought on “Children of Divorce Love Differently

  1. Thank you for this post. Those of us who have children who lived through our divorce often feel a lot of guilt and worry so much so that we haven’t thought about how to guide them in their own relationships or how they might even feel about marriage. I really like the article because it shows that the writer (adult child of divorce) has really thought about relationships and how they “do” relationships. Many of us from intact marriage homes (me and my ex-spouse) never even thought of these things before marriage! I think the most important thing we can do for our kids is to talk about their reality, feelings and validate them so they internalize that they are worthy of and deserve respect and validation. I also am a big supporter of 12 step groups of which there are one’s for children of divorce. This is also good for the parents who perhaps need clarity and strength to heal and grow. (I will share these articles with my teen and adult sons!)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *